we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize