the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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