I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
