1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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