I'm pants shitting drunk right now
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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