Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
