Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.