They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements