went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
