Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
