Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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