wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
