oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we should paint friendship bongs
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
