Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize