Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
