you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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