Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
