My Higher Power is John Stamos
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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