I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
