He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
