well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
