What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You made out with two different species that night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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