He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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