What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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