i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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