Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
