So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
