I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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