so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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