It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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