actually, I'm a sock model
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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