Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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