Only a mothe r could love this liver
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
