So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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