How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Houston, we have a blender
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
