now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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