Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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