listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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