): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
