fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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