I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
