i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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