So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
