New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
a search helicopter?!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Who died my cat blue again?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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