And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm passing your future prison.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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