Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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