It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
