I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
