Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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