two words: eviction party
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
