she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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