Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
