Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
