so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
