He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
