so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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