nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I want to fling myself into the sun
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
