4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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