im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
