I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
