you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
