So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize