worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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