even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can I color on your dick again?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
