I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
