I'm going to rape someone's good day.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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