yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I deserve this hangover.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
