Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
