I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize