She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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