Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
