So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
