I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
