Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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