I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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